I decided early on in my journey as a holistic health mentor that I was not going to pretend that life was smooth sailing when blockages, challenges and reactivations of past crap jarred at the doorstep of my heart.
No, not here to regurgitate the story of victimhood.
No, not here to share every inch of my personal life as I move through the heavies.
No, not portraying perfection albeit, I do enjoy the play of imperfect perfection.
There's a few default settings that unconsciously start to shift into gear behind the scenes -- switched on from the good ol' survival parts of me that desperately, want to do their function "to keep me alive".
Consciously, move out of this static idea that the nervous system has to always calm down moreso, flexible to respond to your inner and outer environments without constant alarm.
So, back to avoiding my heart.
This happens in very sneaky ways where the wave of intense anger will begin then be interrupted with moments of pure love, synchronicity and bliss...as the anger continues to bury down into my body like toxic lava
Have you grown up with blatant denial and outright suppression of your emotions you know, to just get on with life...
Perhaps, you heard these:
"Big girls don't cry."
"Eat some concrete and harden up."
"The world is tough kiddo better learn to roll with the punches."
"Shut up and stop crying."
"We don't have time for tears."
"Life gave you hard because you were built to handle it."
"Strength happens when you PUSH through."
I know there's been value in being strong in this way.
I wouldn't have made it through adversities without switching to the default modes of survival through sheer brute force, laser vision on escaping, appeasing aggressive behaviour, freezing up to live another day and other ways trauma responses have danced through my body.
But, it's not serving me, now.
I'm ready to ease into the strength of deep surrender inward, to easy living, to less stress and more love.
Anger, rage and frustration hide complex emotions behind its veneer of hostility. It can harbour shame, guilt and deep sadness.
So thankful to have the privilege to be quipped with strategies and tools to move into my heart and let it crack open again, to have environments and healthy space to heal in connection.
If you've been reading and nodding along with recognition I invite you to chat with me about the support I can provide you to learn about trauma recovery.
Healing happens through safe connections, knowledge, radical acceptance, release of old survival patterns and a continual choice to remember your soulful identity.
