I was DONE, Universe

As I kneeled down, the deflated tyre mirroring my deflated spirit, I couldn't help but feel that this flat wheel preventing movement was the perfect representation of my current life circumstances.

You see, there are many of my areas that are puffing me up with stability and pride - the service that I provide is high value and I am excited about the new vision that has dropped inspirationally into my divine mind for the next upgrade in my coaching business, the new family business is about to hit its next gear of momentum next month, the court hearing is set for next month, my physical health is at an all-time high, my eldest daughter has improved mental and emotional health.

But the same me that supports women to change their lives is the same me that cries every day with the gaping absence of her youngest daughter and noticing that she continues to shut me off from loving on her in the physical, not answering my calls, abrupt with me on text messages and sending angry threads toward me.

My children have always been the anchors that I have referenced to puff me up with determination, motivation and unwavering courage to move into challenges with pure heart.

Yesterday, I fell into a heap of surrender.
I was done trying.
I was done doing.
I was done with the feeble attempts to manage the deep sorrow and pain that I had been releasing in small increments daily as much as possible and with external support.
I was just done.

You see, I recognised that my inner child that always wanted to be loved and supported through life was seemingly left, abandoned at every crucial pinnacle of deep despair and had to surrender again and again to knowing I am.

To support myself through this sh**show, I completed a full relationship chakra clear with the intention to release the angst, tension, and the emotional charges with my youngest and I. It was very challenging to let go of guilt, shame, fury and as Mothers we always say to ourselves, they need me right?!

So here I was this morning, in the integration process crying and laughing at the acceptance that there were parts of me that were still outsourcing validation of enough-ness and the absolute ickiness of that in relation to my children.

As I move deeper into the mountain of love that is presenting itself within me, I will be offline for the weekend to deeply listen, to indulge in parties, to forget, to remember, or to rest with Mother Earth and allowing myself to be swayed in whatever direction.

I am forever grateful to the highest aspect of my soul gently whispering to me,

I can because I am.